Back in March something happened and I didn’t even note it which was very remiss of me...
On the 15th of March, it was my 14th blogaversary! 14 YEARS! That’s amazing!
I’ve actually kept this thing going more or less for a long, long time now!
When I think about that it scares me. It scares me because all at once I think about how much has changed and simultaneously how little has changed.
My paramour, the love of my life, the genteel presence that graced my days is now long departed and married to another. I guess that’s sad but truthfully, I always felt that if we had something we would be together. That could well be one of the biggest miscalculations I’ve made in my life but then again maybe not.
There are some things that have come to light in the intervening years that have taken the shine off my old paramour including the sneaking suspicion she was a cheater which is a bit sad.
Makes me think about someone I know who is totally devoted to her spouse but found a pair of panties in his pocket when doing laundry that definitely were not hers. In one way she wanted to be in denial but another part of her didn’t want her trust to be shattered. I said pointedly that it spoke more to the kind of person the spouse was and not anything about her.
I think about that myself when looking back.
The ogre is gone too...
This is a more complicated situation because one of the things I did was take care of an aging parent.
In the years since I’ve had others who have found themselves in similar circumstances and I’ve tried to lend an ear and console them when things were tough. They themselves have ever expressed amazement at how difficult it was and knowing my own situation marveled that I endured it but again, as I said to them, there are burdens you carry in life not so much to be a martyr or for anyone else but to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you did what was right.
My roof still needs fixing and I need a steady job desperately. I sure wish those things were different.
Those are two pillars that need to be in place for me to move forward and time is wasting but it’s been a struggle.
Yet, through it all... the good moments and the bad moments I am still here. I do have to keep that in the forefront of my thoughts sometimes because I can have a bleak outlook but it is worth remembering... and of course now that I’m fourteen I can sow my wild oats!
On the 15th of March, it was my 14th blogaversary! 14 YEARS! That’s amazing!
I’ve actually kept this thing going more or less for a long, long time now!
When I think about that it scares me. It scares me because all at once I think about how much has changed and simultaneously how little has changed.
My paramour, the love of my life, the genteel presence that graced my days is now long departed and married to another. I guess that’s sad but truthfully, I always felt that if we had something we would be together. That could well be one of the biggest miscalculations I’ve made in my life but then again maybe not.
There are some things that have come to light in the intervening years that have taken the shine off my old paramour including the sneaking suspicion she was a cheater which is a bit sad.
Makes me think about someone I know who is totally devoted to her spouse but found a pair of panties in his pocket when doing laundry that definitely were not hers. In one way she wanted to be in denial but another part of her didn’t want her trust to be shattered. I said pointedly that it spoke more to the kind of person the spouse was and not anything about her.
I think about that myself when looking back.
The ogre is gone too...
This is a more complicated situation because one of the things I did was take care of an aging parent.
In the years since I’ve had others who have found themselves in similar circumstances and I’ve tried to lend an ear and console them when things were tough. They themselves have ever expressed amazement at how difficult it was and knowing my own situation marveled that I endured it but again, as I said to them, there are burdens you carry in life not so much to be a martyr or for anyone else but to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you did what was right.
My roof still needs fixing and I need a steady job desperately. I sure wish those things were different.
Those are two pillars that need to be in place for me to move forward and time is wasting but it’s been a struggle.
Yet, through it all... the good moments and the bad moments I am still here. I do have to keep that in the forefront of my thoughts sometimes because I can have a bleak outlook but it is worth remembering... and of course now that I’m fourteen I can sow my wild oats!
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